Funny statuses

Funny Status Messages and Tweets

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Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageiconDoes anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.
←Rate | 02-26-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageiconThese mask mandates just made ventriloquism a lot easier.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:00 Comments (0)  

   messageiconI’m so competitive, I don’t let anyone ruin my life more than I do.
←Rate | 08-02-2021 05:21 Comments (0)  

   messageiconWe lost our culture around the time we stopped smoking Marlboro Reds and started vaping strawberry cheesecake.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:02 Comments (0)  

   messageiconI want my paychecks in pennies so I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck.
←Rate | 07-30-2021 06:09 Comments (0)  

   messageiconSome people won’t admit their faults. I would, if I had any.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageiconOctober is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year. People have an October as well.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageiconStarting a new job feels like you’re a new character on the ninth season of a tv show.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageiconI’ve got bitemarks all over my tongue from all the things that I didn’t say.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageiconI’m vaccinated, but I still want you to stay away from me.
←Rate | 08-05-2021 17:37 Comments (0)  

   messageiconIf I owned a taser, I’d probably get curious to see how it feels and taser myself… and that’s why I don’t own a taser.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageiconTradition (n.) Peer pressure from dead people.
←Rate | 08-05-2021 04:19 Comments (0)  

   messageiconTelevision is the monster in your home, and it’s called a program for a reason. It has been designed to psychologically change the ways that you view reality.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:29 Comments (0)  

   messageiconBlood is red, ultraviolet lights are blue, I’ve seen enough murder shows, they will never find you.
←Rate | 06-29-2021 05:08 Comments (0)  

   messageiconHave you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageiconWhen you find out she’s a little crazy, but now you like her even more.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageiconIf you’ve never lost your mind, you’ve never followed your heart.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageiconMasks are the new bra. They’re uncomfortable; you only wear them in public, and when you don’t wear one, everyone notices.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:06 Comments (0)  

   messageiconDo you believe in the “here after?” Then you know what I’m here after.
←Rate | 08-03-2021 20:54 Comments (0)  

   messageiconHer: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  


One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the fuck happened to the roof?"

While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body, but men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.

When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?

Say this out loud fast: ''U R 2 6 C I 1 2 4 Q.''

I can't take this long distance relationship anymore... Fridge, you're coming to my room

Me: ''Hola! Como estas? :)'' Spanish guy: *Speaks mad fast Spanish* Me: ''Dude, chill! Dora didn't teach me that yet!''

I hate it when someone turns the lights on while I`m asleep and I`m all like (o__-)

I'm going to stand outside.. If anyone asks, I'm outstanding..

Balloons are so weird. "Happy birthday, here's a plastic sack of my breath."

I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

When I say '' It's a long story'' It usually means I just dont want to tell you it.

I don't have a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers - but I think 2 of them are cops.

A baby just smiled at me and now I want... Nope, it's crying now. Nope.

(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rollin, they hatin

Have you ever noticed that it's impossible to make pinching your elbow hurt?

I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.

The best memories come from bad ideas.

  1. Lakeside international sturtevant
  2. Court records marion ohio
  3. Chinese movie 2012

Messaging is a huge part of peoples’ lives nowadays. The digital days that we’re living at the moment allows us to send quick messages to everyone all over the globe, wherever they are granted that they have a connection.

It’s fast, it’s efficient, and it’s the cheapest there is. Among the messaging services, WhatsApp has taken over the world because of its simple interface and many features. There are billions of people who are using the platform to express themselves and upload their photos.

Are you on WhatsApp? No doubt!

Needing a good status to fully express what you feel? Then you are on the perfect page! We have here some of the funniest statuses you’ll find on the net.

Give your WhatsApp some fun, unique, and latest status!

Funny WhatsApp Status

Laughter is always, always the best medicine. Heal some of your friends’ pain and put up some funny status for your friends regardless of gender. We have everything ready for you.

We’ve got one-liner funny status, funny shorts for boys and girls, and many many more! Read, scroll, and don’t be shy to copy and paste.

Also, Check our other collections:

Funny WhatsApp about me

WhatsApp is a social media platform for all people.

It’s the front row app for messaging and is used by billions of people around the globe. It’s a great way to communicate, express, and even socialize.

Make sure that you have the best about me status for your WhatsApp. Check out some of our compilations below.

  • I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode.
  • Dyslexics are people too.
  • I can’t read lips unless they’re touching mine.
  • My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death.
  • Hey, I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, just read this message again.
  • My humor is beyond your understanding. Isn’t that funny.
  • Create your visual style. Let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.
  • My love doesn’t sleep; it keeps on looking for you with its eyes open.
  • I was going to take over the world this morning, but I overslept.
  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  • My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  • Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror. 
  • I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
  • Sleep is my drug… my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
  • The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  • I’ve been diagnosed with “awesomeness.” You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught it.
  • I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.
  • I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  • Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.

Awesome funny WhatsApp about me

  • I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
  • Do you think I’m cute when I’m mad? Well, buckle up sweet cheeks – I’m about to get freakin’ adorable.
  • I wish I could mute people in real life.
  • I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit.”
  • You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.
  • Of course, I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice.
  • I’m so tired, my tired is tired.
  • I am not perfect, but I am a limited edition.
  • Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.
  • I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
  • I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
  • Dear problems, Please give me a discount I am a regular customer.
  • I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
  • I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.
  • God is really creative, I mean… just look at me.
  • I’m naturally funny because my whole life is a joke.
  • won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.

Describe yourself in the most awesome way possible with these lines. Check out these funny WhatsApp status and about me that your friends will love. 

We’ve compiled these funny WhatsApp statuses that you can try and put on your bio. Make sure that the phrases define who you are. Insert a bit of humor into your about me profile.

Cannot get enough? Then you might want to consider these funny quotes and sayings.

  • I’m too lazy to stop being lazy.
  • Never give up on your dreams keep sleeping.
  • I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
  • Hey you, yeah I’m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my “Whatsapp Bio”?
  • I’m not special. I’m a limited edition.
  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.
  • Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
  • Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  • Did you hear that joke that doesn’t offend anyone? Neither did I.
  • The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  • I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
  • Shopping is an art. I am an artist. Respect Please.
  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.
  • I’m not single. I’m not taken. I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves my heart.
  • I know I am awesome, so I don’t care about your opinion.
  • I’ve finally realized something: What other people think and say about me is none of my business.
  • My signature, My style, My identity.
  • I’m so tired, my tired is tired.
  • I’m at the point now where I don’t want to impress anyone anymore. If people like me the way I am, great. If they don’t, well it’s their loss.
  • I may be wrong. But I doubt it
  • Make your weird light shine bright, so the other weirdos know where to find you.
  • I’m the black one if you haven’t picked up on that yet.
  • Born to express not to impress.
  • I may be fat, but you’re ugly. And I can lose weight!
  • You don’t like my attitude? That’s fine. It doesn’t like you either.
  • I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
  • I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit.”
  • I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side now.
  • Life taught me a lot of lessons but I banked those classes.
  • I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
  • The employee of the Month” is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
  • I really don’t care what you think about me. Unless you think I’m awesome. In that case – you’re totally right. Carry on!
  • Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
  • I love my Haters, they make me Famous.
  • I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.
  • I want someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
  • Dyslexics are people too.
  • I’m really not cranky. I just have a violent reaction when I meet stupid people.
  • I don’t have an attitude problem. I have an attitude. The problem is yours.
  • Not always ‘Available’… Try your Luck.
  • Silent people have the loudest minds.
  • No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
  • Different from everyone!
  • Be yourself, who else is better qualified?
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • Me? Mature? I still laugh when the ketchup bottle “FARTS”.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  • I have feelings too. I am still human.
  • I do what I must, and my friends will adjust!
  • You can either take me as I am or watch me as I leave.
  • I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.
  • I am multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
  • I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

 clever funny WhatsApp about me

Here are some of the funny WhatsApp status ideas you can put in your profiles! Give them a good laugh now.

  • My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  • It’s always fun to look back five years old photo of ourselves.
  • Get up every morning, imagine a future then make it happen.
  • I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
  • Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.
  • Dear God, there is a bug in your software. It’s called Monday; please fix it.
  • Never steal. The government hates competition.
  • Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
  • I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
  • I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
  • It’s not that I don’t want to go to work. I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.
  • Marriage is subject to market risk.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That’s why people appear bright until they speak.
  • I’m fresh, but global warming made me very hot.
  • I wish my book of life were written in pencil. There are a few pages I would like to erase.
  • Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t done yet.
  • Busy at this moment…free forever.
  • I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
  • You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there’s a “socio” in front of it.
  • It’s not that I hate anyone; it’s just that I do not like people.
  • If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  • I had to take a sick day. I’m sick of those peoples.
  • Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
  • Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be on your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.
  • People said to follow your dreams so I went back to bed.
  • Never laugh at your partner’s choices… You’re one of them.
  • I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
  • Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • I didn’t fall. It was just that the floor needed some cleaning.awesome funny WhatsApp status ideas

Funny WhatsApp status lines

We have some pretty awesome and impressive funny WhatsApp status lines for you too.

These are short so you don’t have to worry about overfeeding your friends and followers with funny content!

Keep reading and scrolling!

  • I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
  • You smell like hidden motives, get away from me.
  • I didn’t change; I just grew up. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  • When a bird hits your windshield, have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
  • I don’t know why I keep a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags.
  • Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.
  • Remember, it’s just a bad day – not a bad life.
  • Live your life and forget your age.
  • For all the people who make me laugh – thank you.
  • Always love your friends from your heart, not from your mood or need.
  • The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.
  • 3 horrible things in life: 1) Slow Internet. 2) Slow Internet. 3) Slow Internet.
  • I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.
  • The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  • Be smarter than your smartphone.
  • Everybody wishes they could go to heaven, but no one wants to die.
  • All the life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
  • I’m not saying you’ve got problems, but have you tried turning yourself off and rebooting?
  • If you keep annoying me, I’ll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it’s Santa’s hotline.
  • I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.
  • All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently.
  • The world could be amazing when you are slightly strange.
  • It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
  • Someone asked me, what’s your relationship status? I replied, Still looking for a FREE Wi-Fi connection!
  • My Internet is down today. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. They are irresponsible.
  • My secret talent is getting tired without doing so common, why are there so many people without it?
  • If I am wired with you, then I like you.
  • Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
  • If the school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.
  • True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-Fi connect automatically.
  • Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I am blaming you.
  • I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
  • Improve your performance by improving your attitude.
  • If the brain is dominant, why doesn’t everyone use it?
  • I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
  • Attitude is like underwear. Don’t show it just wore it.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • Do not drink and park accidents cause people.

Hilarious Funny WhatsApp status lines

Short Status for WhatsApp

Remember Kiss? Keep it short and simple. Make an impact on your WhatsApp status with short statuses. Sometimes, it’s not the length that counts, it’s the message and meaning behind every word.

Look out for your next favorite status!

  • I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.
  • Make your weird light shine bright, so the other weirdos know where to find you.
  • Be smarter than your smartphone.
  • Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  • It’s not that I don’t want to go to work. I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.
  • My girlfriend keeps stealing my sweatshirts, and I keep replacing them. We now have 450 sweatshirts, and they’re all in her closet.
  • Of course, I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice.
  • I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.
  • Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.
  • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  • I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.
  • I am what I am… I will never try to be someone else.
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • Fair warning: I know karate. …and some other words.
  • My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  • The good news is I’m smiling. The bad news is it’s the kind of smile that people should fear.
  • If you dislike me, remember it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind and you don’t matter!

awesome Short Status for WhatsApp

Spice up your WhatsApp status with these funny, awesome, and short status quotes. Don’t let your WhatsApp status dry up with boring one-liners, use these quotes to your hearts’ content!

Copy and paste to your WhatsApp status and see how your friends will react!

  • Beer is what makes you see double and feel single.
  • Happiness is not in money but in shopping.
  • The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.
  • That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and you can’t do it.
  • Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
  • Yes, I do bad things, but I do them well.
  • If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
  • Keep calm and enjoy life.
  • Only batteries have pluses and minuses. And I’m ideal.
  • Being original is difficult…you can’t be like me. There is only one master copy and the rest all is a photocopy.
  • I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
  • No one is always busy. It just depends on what number you are on their priority list.
  • Don’t kiss me near your house. Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
  • Life is short, and it is here to be lived.
  • It costs $0.00 to be a decent person.
  • A joy shared is a joy doubled.
  • Life is always rocky when you’re a gem.
  • There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
  • Hakuna Matata!!–the great motto to live life!!
  • Stop checking my last seen. Chat with me when you miss me.
  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  • Life sucks when you’re all alone.
  • The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
  • To a smart girl, men are no problem – they’re the answer.
  • A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
  • Do more of what makes you happy.
  • I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.
  • Comparison is the thief of joy.
  • Treat yourself like a King and you’ll attract your Queen.
  • God is really creative, I mean… just look at me.
  • Don’t like my attitude? Report me at who-cares-dot-com.

clever Short Status for WhatsApp

Funny WhatsApp status for girls

Girls are the expressive gender in the spectrum. They have a lot to say almost all of the time! But if you’re feeling not that funny and not in the mood for thinking too much, then don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. We have here some of WhatsApp status you can use.

Feel free to copy and paste to your statuses!

  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  • The new way of forgetting your past is deleting your chats.
  • At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.
  • They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
  • Never underestimate me because I am more than you think.
  • Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it to increase my friend list.
  • Fashion is about something that comes from within you.
  • Fair warning: I know karate. …and some other words.
  • Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.
  • I won’t lie, I speak Fiction.
  • Taking your ex back is like going to the junkyard and buying back your own crap.
  • Dream big and dare to fail.
  • I remember when my old Nokia phone said I had a low battery it meant that I had 2 days to find a charger.
  • There’s only one problem with your face, I can see it.
  • If you like me then raise your hands. If not then raise your standard.
  • I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the credit cardholder.
  • A computer once beat me at chess.
  • Marriage is a 3 Ring Circus- 1. Engagement Ring, 2. Wedding Ring, 3. Suffering.
  • Organized persons are too lazy to look for things.
  • Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
  • I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
  • Follow your heart but don’t be stupid.
  • Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
  • Me? Sarcastic? Never.
  • I have a new theory in life…what other people think of me is truly none of my business!
  • Kill tension before tensions kill you, reach your goal before goal kicks you, live life before life leaves you.
  • It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
  • So I heard you’re a player, Well nice to meet you. I’m the coach.
  • Born to express not to impress.
  • How others see you, is not important…How you see yourself means everything.
  • Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can’t make a rainbow, without a little rain.
  • Success always hugs you in private but failure always slaps you in public. That’s life.
  • You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
  • People say nothing’s impossible, but I do nothing every day.
  • I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.
  • An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
  • I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
  • Do not drink and park accidents cause people.
  • Mistakes are proof that you’re trying.
  • If you obey all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun.
  • Being single is my attitude.

Funny WhatsApp status for boys

Looking for that cool and funny WhatsApp status? Good news, you’re sentenced away from it! It’s not only the girls who like to make an effort for their social media statuses, boys feel the same way too.

It may easy for some and a bit harder for others – if you are part of the latter then the following statuses are perfect for you. Keep scrolling and reading. Copy and paste the ones you like!

Use them for your next post!

  • When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
  • I need a good Wifi & Wife.
  • Every mother on earth gave birth to a child except my mother, She gave birth to Legend!
  • Men have feelings too. For example, we feel hungry.
  • If there is a “WILL”, there are 500 relatives.
  • I’m not drunk, I’m just chemically off-balanced.
  • The road to success is always under construction.
  • Personality is to a man what perfume is to a flower.
  • Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
  • I work out every day I do 1 sit-up every morning when I wake up.
  • Alcohol will give a different type of power!
  • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  • I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
  • Sitting in class wondering how the hell the teacher
    got the job.
  • Stay strong, make them wonder how you’re still
  • Girls are like the police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you.
  • If you don’t care, stop talking about it.
  • You cannot stop the waves but you can learn to surf.
  • I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
  • I’m in my bed; you’re in your bed. One of us is in the wrong place.
  • Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
  • Boys never realize how much one little thing can hurt a girl.
  • A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
  • Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you don’t care than to admit it’s killing you.
  • Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
  • I am so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.
  • A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
  • People with status don’t need status.
  • Always trying to cool me.
  • Excellence is not a skill, It is an attitude.
  • It’s not my attitude, It’s my style.
  • Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
  • Honest people can be put into two categories….little kids and drunk persons.
  • I am a hot dude with a cool attitude.
  • I hate math, but I love counting money.
  • Don’t hate me, just get to know me first!
  • Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.
  • I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
  • My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
  • I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He’s also dreaming.
  • Every problem comes with a solution. If it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a…………. woman.
  • His story is History, My Story is Mystery.
  • How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  • Oh, So you wanna argue, Bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.
  • I know I’m awesome, so I don’t care about your opinion.
  • Don’t judge my past, look at my present, I am sure my future is really rocking.
  • Don’t hate me, just get to know me first!
  • My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
  • Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
  • Don’t hate me, just get to know me first!
  • It’s my life, so keep your nose out of it.
  • Don’t use the bathroom in your dream, It’s a setup.
  • My words are like a china phone. They have no guarantee!
  • Boys lie more, but girls lie better.
  • If a plan didn’t work, Alphabet has 25 more letters.
  • I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes and wants to play with it.
  • That’s the secret to life… replace one worry with another.
  • Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.
  • Follow your heart but don’t be stupid.
  • I will be back with my same attitude.
  • I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
  • I’m not changed it’s just I grew up and you should try too.
  • Please don’t get confused between my attitude & personality!
  • Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do.
  • Save Water, Drink Whisky.
  • Guys have no idea how long something they said can stay in a girl’s mind.
  • The best way to lie is, to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
  • Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
  • I’m not heartless, I just learned how to use my heart LESS.
  • Smartness is a perfect beauty.
  • It’s my life, so keep your nose out of it.
  • I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy shits.
  • Drink until you become the greatest philosopher in your world!

WhatsApp status love

Love statuses for WhatsApp are sought after that’s why we compiled tons of love quotes to shower your WhatsApp profile.

Love is one of the most overly used topics in the world. Sometimes it gets difficult to say the right words at the right time. It’s hard to express your feelings.

If you’re feeling like that at the moment, you’ve come to the right web page – here is some WhatsApp status about love that you can use. Send them to your loved ones, to your friends, to everyone!

  • A silent hug means a thousand words to the unhappy heart.
  • A.B.C.D.E.F.G.H.I.J.K.L.M.N.O.P.Q.R.S.T.V.W.X.Y.Z. Did I miss anything? Oh, yes, I miss You.
  • All I need is your love.
  • Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
  • Love is like a rubber band held at both ends by two people, when one leaves it hurts the other.
  • If you like these quotes then don’t forget to share these quotes with your friends on your social profiles.
  • Falling in love is only half of what I want, staying in love with you for till forever is the other.
  • Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.
  • Did you know I love the second word of this question?
  • Don’t find true love, and it will find you itself.
  • Go for someone who is not only proud to have you but will also take every risk just to be with you.
  • Why am I so afraid to lose you when you’re not even mine?
  • Love is not about how much you say “I love you” but how much you can prove that it’s true.
  • If you expect something in return, It’s called business, not love.
  • Distance means so little when someone means so much.
  • You may be someone to the world but you are the world for someone.
  • I didn’t choose you, My heart did.
  • I don’t need a burning sun and a cooling moon to show me my way. Just want you to hold me whenever I tumble.
  • You know you’re in love when you see the world in her eyes and her eyes everywhere in the world.
  • The minute you think of giving up think of the reason why you held on so long.
  • When someone else happiness is your happiness, it’s called true love.
  • When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
  • Place your time and energy on someone who will add sunshine to your life. Life is too short to waste on the wrong one.
  • Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
  • If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced to life.
  • We fall in love by chance but we stay in love by choice.
  • Being someone’s first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect.
  • I don’t know if I like you or love you, want you or need you, all I know is I love the feeling I get when I’m near you.
  • True love is when she talks non-stop and you are still interested in listening to her.
  • In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
  • I will walk with you forever.
  • The heart that loves, stays always young.
  • When I look into your eyes I tend to lose thoughts.
  • True love never dies. It’s only getting stronger with time.
  • Only you can decide what are going to think, and how you are going to think about it.
  • 99% of the time, we forgive people because we still want them in our lives.
  • Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and wishing they were right here with you.
  • Love her like you’re the worst. Make love to her like you’re the best.

Short Status for WhatsApp on attitude

Needing some attitude and sass in your WhatsApp status? Worry no more! We have a list here for you. We’ve compiled some of the burning attitude phrases and quotes for your WhatsApp profiles.

Give them a taste of your other side with these attitude stats!

  • My attitude is based on how you treat me.
  • And now, I’ll do what’s do for me.
  • I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted.
  • I’m so naturally funny because my life is like a joke.
  • I don’t have bad handwriting, I have my own FONT.
  • So, you’re checking my status.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  • I love you even when I hate you.
  • Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.
  • I can’t stop missing you.
  • She is chaos and beauty intertwined. A tornado of roses from the divine.
  • Don’t judge me by my past, I don’t live there anymore.
  • We cannot change anything unless we accept it.
  • You have to be ODD to be number ONE.
  • I’m not perfect. I’m original.
  • Love isn’t complicated, people are.
  • Don’t judge someone’s attitude until you’ve felt their pain.
  • I don’t even know why I like you. But I just do.
  • Love in Life, Make life beautiful.
  • I’m not anti-fashion, but I’ve always had a bit of a punk attitude. That’s important, I think. I do my own thing.
  • Can I borrow a Kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
  • If you love something, set it free.
  • Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
  • From time to time, I dream about not knowing you because I cannot sleep at night, thinking about you!
  • Love is a real drug, that’s why you’re my dealer!
  • It’s easy t say, “I love you.” But it`s hard to wait and prove your words.
  • Love is a beautiful mistake in my life.
  • I will not tell you different stories about love. Not because I don’t love you. It’s because I am going to make my own love story with you!
  • Love cannot be in doubt. When you find true love, you know it for sure. If you are not satisfied, it`s not real love.
  • I’ve fallen in love many times. But always with you.
  • If a hug tells how much I love you, I will hold you in my arms forever.
  • A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.
  • Haters hate because I got what they ain’t.
  • My night has become a sunny dawn because of you.
  • This is going to sound crazy, but…from the moment I first set eyes on you I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.
  • I need you so much closer.
  • Love is when you look into someone’s eye and see everything you ever need.
  • Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life. Because you become what you believe.
  • Keep your face towards the sunshine, you will never see the shadow.
  • A lion never loses sleep over the opinions of a sheep.
  • I don’t need to explain myself because I know I’m right.
  • I tried being like you, my personality didn’t like it.
  • People think that you fall in love only once. It’s not about me. I fall in love every time I see you.
  • People may hear your words but they feel your attitude.
  • Love when you’re ready, not when you are alone.
  • Love is cute when it’s new, but love is most beautiful when it last.
  • Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks the head, the heart, and the senses simultaneously.
  • Inhale confidence.  Exhale doubt.
  • Excuse me, I found something under my shoes. Oh, it’s your attitude.
  • Missing someone is an excellent way to stimulate your heart to be patient and open to love.
  • Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.
  • Silence is the best answer to a fool.
  • Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
  • Appreciate the journey.

Summary for Love Whatsapp Status

We’re now down to the last sentences!

You’ve stuck around enough time! Don’t be shy to copy and paste some of the captions and statuses you want. Don’t forget to save this page and come back to it when you need to post another funny status!

Social media is becoming more and more popular in these digital days. People are more often seen carrying a smartphone in their hands, taking photos, and posting them on their social media accounts. We know you’re one of us itching to update their WhatsApp status at the moment.

We want to update ours too!

Before you run off, here are more quotes you should browse:

We compiled the coolest WhatsApp statuses in various categories. Again, this is an easy copy and paste compilation so use the quotes to your heart’s desire!


Happy Instagramming!

The Instagram Circus


I am working in Online Marketing since 2010 and I have learned a few things in this area over time. I share my views and insights on that topic and hope it is valuable for you.

Related Posts


Everyone always asks us, what are the Funniest Status Updates? Well no need to ask anymore because we’ve compiled this definitive list. It was determined based on the average amount of comments/likes per status update. Some call them the funniest status updates, we just call them funny statuses. Pick any one of these hilarious status updates and you’re sure to get a comment storm! Here they are…

  • Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

  • Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  • Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

  • A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  • The longer the title the less important the job.

  • Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

  • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

  • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

  • Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

  • Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

  • I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?

  • No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.

  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

  • By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

  • Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

  • Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

  • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

  • I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

  • If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

  • Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
  • The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.

  • Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

  • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

  • Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

  • We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.

  • I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!

  • I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
  • A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

  • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

  • We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

  • I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  • When in doubt, mumble.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

  • I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.
  • Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

  • Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.

  • The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

  • Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
  • Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

  • If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

  • After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  • Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.

  • Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

  • The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

  • Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.

  • Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
  • They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

  • If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

  • By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.

  • We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour

  • Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

  • I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

  • People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

  • I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.

  • Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  • Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.

  • Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.

  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

  • Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.

  • Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!

  • I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”

  • There are no winners in life…only survivors.

  • Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

  • Without ME, it’s just AWESO.

  • The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

  • I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?

  • The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

  • There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

  • I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

  • We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.

  • I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

  • If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.

  • How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

  • I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?

  • To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.

  • Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

  • Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.

  • Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

  • The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

  • If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

  • Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

  • Sours:

    Statuses funny

    Here are the 150+ funny Facebook status messages that will be liked by everyone to get you more comments on your FB profile. Do you get fascinated by your friend’s Facebook status and worried about how you could impress them? It is nothing to worry about because there are various ways through which you can also compel them to like your Facebook status.

    You must have heard from your parents that they used humour as a tool to keep themselves different from anyone else and make the situation hilarious with funny jokes. Since there were no such platforms like Facebook, Twitter and so forth, people share a joke to bring smiles to their friend’s faces.

    It is important to understand humor is something that is usually liked by everyone, and it makes one laugh out loud so upload the status that is funny as to impress your peers. Do not wait because it the best time to amaze your friends with these funny Facebook statuses and let them stress-free while enjoying your status.

    Funny Facebook Status

    Read Also:Funny Wi-Fi Names for your home wireless network


    1. I just printed on Wireless Printer but not sure which neighbor has my document.
    2. The easiest way to double your money is to fold it over.
    3. Facebook funny status: Tomato is a fruit so do not put it in a fruit salad.
    4. Two things are common in politicians and diapers, both need to change regularly.
    5. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house earlier than Police do.
    6. You can go wherever you want if carry a clipboard.
    7. ‘Hold my purse’, words to humiliate men everywhere.
    8. Don’t argue with an idiot. They beat you with their experience.
    9. My pillow could be my hairstylist because I wake up to weird hairstyles.
    10. People write Congrats on my wall because they do not know the spelling of Congratulations.
    11. The trouble with being punctual is that no one cares.
    12. Marriage is similar to go to a restaurant, order something, and then looks at the nearby table, and wish you would order that.
    13. If you get difficult questions in life, Google gives you answers.
    14. Money cannot buy happiness. It pays for the internet, which is the same thing.
    15. FACEBOOK STORY is to add the friend – Approve -> Write on the wall -Chatting– Block.
    16. Get ready to be in prison for stealing my heart and hijacking my feelings.
    17. If you are reading this, be happy you know how to read.
    18. Facebook is a fridge. Yes, because when you are alone, you open it to see if there’s anything.
    19. You know what; the zoo is the best place to fart.
    20. I am not 40 years old; I am just 18 years with 22 years of experience.
    21. When somebody is doing dishes and I put another plate on the sink.
    22. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
    23. Doctors checked out a boy’s brain; on the left side, nothing is right; and on the right side, nothing left.
    24. Reduce weight, first turn your head to the left then turn it to the right. Repeat this until you get anything to eat from either of the sides.
    25. Distinguish a lady and a woman? A lady does what she has taught, and a woman does what she wants.
    26. I am jealous of my parents. I can never have a kid as cool as theirs.
    27. Can I click your picture? I love pictures of natural disasters.
    28. I cannot lose weight. The shampoo I use says ‘for extra volume and body.’
    29. I am a smart person but just do stupid things.
    30. Learn a lesson from your dog, kick some grass over the shit, and move on.
    31. There is no logic in why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
    32. Nothing to update on Facebook. So pretend that you are busy at a party.
    33. I tried to be awesome today, I was tired of being awesome yesterday.
    34. Nothing hurts more than you go to unfriend someone but find they have beaten you to it.
    35. I ever got a 4.0 GPA in college was my blood alcohol content only.
    36. Being nice to people is not being two-faced, but this is growing up.
    37. Instead of checking checkbook, have a look on Facebook.
    38. Your intelligence is the common sense I have.
    39. Facebook must have the ‘no one cares about’ option too.
    40. I am a liar; trust me.
    41. Roses are red, and Facebook is blue. I have no mutual friends then who you are?
    42. Facebook is like a prison because you write on its walls.
    43. Facebook must have an enemy list too.
    44. I add people only to increase the friend list.
    45. Facebook is the red carpet for girls who have no talent at all.
    46. I am quitting Facebook to face my book.
    47. You are a player! I am the coach here.
    48. Liking your own status is like appreciating yourself.
    49. Paul likes animals. The sweet and sour chicken.
    50. If taking a bath is bad for the environment then I am doing a big favor.
    51. Single is not lonely, and the relationship is not to be happy.
    52. Mark Zuckerberg ruined our lives. That might not be a funny Facebook status for him.
    53. Who needs TV drama we have got Facebook.
    54. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

    FB Status

    1. Facebook, suggested friends are the people I am trying to avoid intentionally.
    2. Don’t like me. I am not a Facebook status.
    3. Facebook has two types of people. The one who gets more likes, others are men.
    4. Say it on my face not via Facebook status.
    5. Behind every successful status, there is ctrl+C and ctrl+V
    6. Where to find ‘DUH’ button on Facebook? Yes, it’s a funny Facebook status too.
    7. I keep my Facebook page public to make you jealous.
    8. Annoying is when two people start a conversation on your status.
    9. I failed my quiz but successful in Face booking.
    10. Dance like no one will upload it on Facebook.
    11. The first five days after the weekend are tough.
    12. I don’t have goals it is for players. I am not one.
    13. You didn’t notice that that I used a word twice here.
    14. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have wives.
    15. Food is a vital part of a balanced diet.
    16. If something is not right, try left.
    17. Everyone is fine until you see her on Twitter.
    18. Eyebrows speak louder than phrases.
    19. The girl is not hot. Unlike the temperature.
    20. Without a candy crush, I am a kid with no candy.
    21. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is stupid.
    22. Went home at 2 with a 10 and woke up today at 10 with 2.
    23. Mythical being is an honest politician.
    24. Hey, there WhatsApp is using me.
    25. I live in fantasy so don’t tell me your reality.
    26. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
    27. Mosquitoes are like family as they suck blood.
    28. Find it funny Facebook status. Save water have a beer.
    29. Smile while you still have teeth.
    30. Do not kiss behind garden love is blind but neighbors are not.
    31. Friends are forever until they get married.
    32. C.L.A.S.S means (Come late and start sleeping)
    33. WTF is WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.
    34. Google should be a woman. It knows everything.
    35. Upload funny Facebook status that at least mosquitoes like you.
    36. Say the letter M without let your lips touch.
    37. I liked my neighbors until they had the password on Wi-Fi
    38. Nothing is illegal until someone caught you.
    39. F is my favorite word for Friday.
    40. Do not get fit instead pray to God to make your friends fat.
    41. I can communicate through my body and in English.
    42. If you cannot find the key to success, find lock then.
    43. Don’t beat kids. They have guns now.
    44. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
    45. Life is short. Talk fast.
    46. Save paper. Don’t do your homework.
    47. Boys fall; I trip them.
    48. Why do stores have a lock on their doors although they are open 24/7?
    49. The moment I find the key to success, someone alters the lock.
    50. Have lemons and squeeze them into your enemies’ eyes.
    51. Rule 1 I am right, but if I am wrong, read rule 1.
    52. Could not repair your brakes? Make your horns louder.
    53. I am not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

    One more quote

    More Funny FB Quotes, Ideas and Messages

    1. Chocolate, coffee, and men the richer, the better.
    2. No prejudice; I hate everyone equally.
    3. Dear Math’s grow up and find your X yourself.
    4. Eat doughnut. Save vegetable.
    5. Life is a bitch. So I am
    6. Money does not make happy but shopping will.
    7. I am not lazy. Saving energy.
    8. Teachers name it cheating. Friends call it teamwork.
    9. Hi there! Using my brain now.
    10. Busy now but free forever.
    11. Google is for my mind, anti-virus to install in my heart.
    12. People with high status don’t need status.
    13. If you fail to convince, try to confuse them.
    14. Round is a shape. I am in shape then.
    15. Eat, exercise, but you will die anyhow.
    16. I speak in my mind. Don’t remember whatever I speak.
    17. If the magnet attracts, should I swallow it?
    18. The exercise I do is ‘running out of money.’
    19. The phone screen is brighter than my future.
    20. Crying? Grab a tissue, not Facebook.
    21. Does running away from problems count as a workout?
    22. Apple is controlling us; we have to buy breathe.
    23. Make love, not war, do both and marry today.
    24. In love with my bed, but my alarm clock is jealous.
    25. I wish to have someone so that I can blame as my wife does.
    26. Don’t trust a person with the only Facebook picture.
    27. Whenever it’s a long story, it means they don’t want to tell you.
    28. On Facebook, you can talk to a wall.
    29. The world is great. Until you wake up.
    30. Love marriage is dancing in front of the snake and asking it to bite you.
    31. If you cannot beat them, arrange someone that can.
    32. Dammit and I’m mad spell the same way backwards.
    33. Your attitude can hurt me; mine may even kill you.
    34. Not arguing but explaining why I am right.
    35. I am what you see. Don’t want your opinion sorry.
    36. People laugh, as I am different. I laugh, as they are the same.
    37. Yes, I don’t care. Please try again.
    38. I am on a Mexican, and Italian diet.
    39. I am me, and that is something you can never be.
    40. I am not a teaser. A reminder of what you cannot have.
    41. Never let your friends alone. Disturb them always.
    42. People are like clouds when they go day becomes beautiful.
    43. Marriage is when dating works well.
    44. Not humiliating you, just explaining who you are.
    45. I wish common sense to be more common.
    46. Take your nose back, I found it in my business.
    47. Vodka is for people who like to add fun to their lives.
    48. Karma, you missed the list of people that I have.
    49. To be successful in life have them: backbone, wishbone, and a funny bone.
    50. Don’t break anyone’s heart; they have only one. Break their bones as they are 206
    51. Think like a proton and stay active.
    52. After Tuesday, the calendar screams WTF. 


    If you are new to this social networking world you need to know the importance of Facebook status and how can it help you to get more likes, comments, and fame. In this regard, there are some rules that you need to follow so you can begin with the FB status and to make others know your presence write something that is interesting like jokes, wise quotations and a lot more you can do.

    Categories FacebookTags facebook

    Dinesh is the founder of Sysprobs and written more than 400 articles. Enthusiast in Microsoft and cloud technologies with more than 15 years of IT experience.

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    Funny, Clever, and Cute Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

    StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.

    Here is a list of funny, cute, and witty status updates that are great for places like Facebook and Twitter.

    Funny Facebook Statuses

    • Lucky for you, mirrors can't laugh out loud.
    • Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
    • If something's not going right, try left.
    • About to dance my feet silly!
    • Smile while you still have teeth.
    • I love my bed, but I'd rather be in yours.
    • Why bother reading books? We have Eminem; he can read a whole story in 4 minutes.
    • I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
    • Wife: I'm pregnant, what do you want it to be? Husband: A joke.
    • Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.
    • Relationship Status: COMING SOON
    • You can't be late until you show up.
    • Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).
    • A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!
    • Hi, I'm James. Let's bond.
    • T.G.I.A. (Thank goodness I'm awesome!)
    • Sometimes I prefer to use my face as emoticons.
    • I think it's cool how the word "OK" is a sideways person!
    • Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out for you, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.
    • Keep calm and know Google can help you find a way to fix almost every problem. If not, it will tell you who can fix it.
    • It hurts when you go to unfriend someone, and you find they've beaten you to it!

    Statuses That Will Get Lots of Likes

    • May your life someday be as good as you make it out to be on Facebook.
    • LIKE if you hate it when someone tags you in a photo, you look horrible in because they happen to look so good in it.
    • Phew! Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.
    • Looking at school books and thinking: what a waste of a tree!
    • Nobody around here treats me like a glamour model, so I'm just going to sit here taking selfies by myself.
    • Why didn't you reply to my text? Well, how am I supposed to reply to LOL?
    • Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting in line for the bathroom.
    • Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
    • Nothing is illegal. Until you get caught.
    • Friends are like boobs: some are real, some are fake.
    • Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.

    Clever Facebook Statuses

    • Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
    • When I get a pimple on my tongue, I always feel guilty in case I've told a white lie.
    • I dance like a car dealership's inflatable tube man.
    • I tried being normal once. Most boring hour of my life.
    • You didn't notice that that I used a word twice in this sentence.
    • A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.
    • The first five days after the weekend are always hard.
    • I am 100% done with today and about 37% done with tomorrow.
    • At first, I didn't like my beard; then it grew on me.
    • Broken pencils are pointless.
    • "What's up cake?" "Muffin much."
    • I don't have goals. Goals are for soccer. I'm not soccer.

    Statuses That Will Get Comments

    • I forgot to work out today. That's five years in a row!
    • If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn't at work.
    • I hate it when I'm singing a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.
    • That moment when you try talking to someone you're hot for, and you say GFBLQRINABAH instead of "I'm good, thanks!"
    • The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
    • You look like I need a drink.
    • Trust me; you can dance. ~ Vodka
    • I'm not weird. I'm just cooler than you.
    • Haircuts are the reason why I have trust issues.
    • That awkward moment when you wave to a stranger on Facebook by accident.
    • I wasn't drunk; I was just testing if the plant was as soft as my bed.
    • Dip me in chocolate and call me dessert.
    • That awkward moment when you have a crush on the most inconvenient person possible.
    • I put the 'Me' in 'Someone,' and things get awkward.
    • Stop calling yourself hot; the only thing you turn on is the microwave!
    • That moment when someone you met for 3 seconds sends you a Facebook friend request.

    Witty Status Updates

    • I just don't know how to react when someone sends me a selfie. I mean, should I say, "Wow! You really got yourself at the perfect angle in that restroom!"
    • That moment when the random person you just met asks for your full name, and you know it's because they want to stalk you on Facebook.
    • The hardest things our kids will do in 20-30 years is finding a username which isn't already taken.
    • I'm a good girl. With a lot of bad habits.
    • Aren't we ALL internet explorers?
    • I've been known to flash people (with my camera).
    • If Twitter wasn't around in the olden days, why is there a hashtag button on landlines?
    • I press all the "Try Me" buttons on toys and then walk away LIKE A BOSS.
    • Me without you is like Facebook with no friends, YouTube with no videos, and Google with no results.
    • Girls are beautiful, not hot. They are not a temperature.
    • Dear friends, please don't tag me in a photo that is so prehistoric you have to scan the photo to make it digital. No one here is into studying history, sincerely, everybody born before 2010.
    • Don't think too much, or you could create a problem that wasn't even there.
    • Without Candy Crush, I'd be like a kid with no candy!
    • Telling me you're going to unfollow me is like announcing you're leaving a party you weren't even invited to.
    • I did not say I didn't want to work. I said I didn't want to twerk!
    • Cheese. Milk's leap towards evolution.
    • My mum's so old-fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you're Pa is in the hospital LOL.
    • I'm following you on Twitter because my mum always told me to follow my dreams.
    • Everyone is normal until you find them on Twitter.
    • Tired? There's a nap for that.
    • When someone says you are what you eat, and you're eating the chicken's bum.
    • If you have a problem with me write it on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope and shove it up your big behind.
    • If you're talking behind my back, you're in a really good position to kiss my butt.
    • This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog
    • Were you dropped as a baby?" "Yeah into a pool of sexy!"
    • Well, I didn't know I logged into sookbook today.
    • A day without sunlight is night.
    • I can resist anything, except temptation.
    • Sitting in class wondering who would die if one of the fans fell down.
    • I'm pretty sure you're not a car, get an actual photo for your profile.
    • Every time I put my phone on silent, it decides to play "hide and seek."
    • You put the "pro" in "procrastination."
    • I don't have exes; I have Y's. Y the hell did I do that?
    • I have decided to tell my pets they're adopted.
    • If swimming is an exercise, then explain whales to me.
    • If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, just say "I love YouTube" really fast.
    • Only 10-20% of the population can wiggle their ears and raise one eyebrow.
    • We should stop teaching kids to sing the alphabet. It took me five years to realize that "elemeno" wasn't a letter.
    • Unicorns do exist. They're just fat and grey, and we call them Rhinos.
    • A message in the toilet: Treat me well, keep me clean, I will not tell anyone what I have seen.
    • I grew up being told not to write on the walls. Felt like such a badass when I first joined Facebook.
    • My wallet is like an onion—when I open it, it makes me cry.
    • Life is like a box of chocolates: if you eat the whole thing at once you're going to be sick.

    Reader Poll

    © 2012 StrictlyQuotes

    Add a Funny Tweet or Facebook Status:

    s4a on September 09, 2020:

    your eyes are like wrenches, every time I look into them, they tighten my nuts...

    Steven laat on July 24, 2020:

    Very nice words

    Naira white on January 02, 2020:

    I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change ur facebook status....

    add me one facebook naira white

    nthabeleng happiness on June 20, 2019:


    morina david on December 24, 2018:

    so perfect

    Sidiki on December 10, 2018:

    Very nice

    FieryChocolate on December 02, 2018:

    I love'em all.

    Funny Status on November 09, 2018:


    kalid usman on October 24, 2018:

    it's so nice

    BIGt on September 16, 2018:

    Love these status.

    Martin M De King on September 07, 2018:

    These post r useful indeed

    Ayodeji Happy on August 25, 2018:

    Very Nice

    TIMMAY! on August 21, 2018:

    I'm immortal. So far.

    Jagadish on August 07, 2018:

    Very Nyc

    mike on July 18, 2018:

    These are corny

    Rajel on June 20, 2018:


    anjali Sharma on March 28, 2018:

    Cool collection

    camel ragav on October 04, 2017:

    hai frnds

    diogenes on July 25, 2017:

    Great!! These come around every five years and read just like brand new!

    Doft Sick

    Kalvin on July 06, 2017:

    Cool Collection of status lines.

    komal on June 22, 2017:

    nice this sharing on fb

    sohel on April 07, 2015:

    Wow your status is very nic & so good sides

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on February 27, 2015:

    Thank you so much :)

    schoolgirlforreal on February 24, 2015:

    Nice! Love these! Sharing on FB :)

    Kari on September 02, 2014:

    Love the WTF one! Weird I've never heard that before. lol

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on September 02, 2014:

    Thank you DDE and I am such a fan of yours :)

    Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 02, 2014:

    Great read here and I RT occasionally. You think of awesome ideas.

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on September 02, 2014:

    Cool, thank you :)

    JUMAIN PRETOORS on August 14, 2014:

    Well good,awesome and cool I like it!

    facts25 on March 29, 2013:

    Hahahahahahaha, I really enjoyed while reading these funny facebook status

    Elizabeth Mara from New Hampshire on March 14, 2013:

    Thanks, Stricktlydating! I laughed at some of these and thought of several people who'd laugh with me. Let the sharing continue~

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on January 21, 2013:

    Thanks for your great feedback!

    Gulf Coast Sun from Gulf of Mexico on June 23, 2012:

    hahahahahahahahahahahahah - thanks

    bangabanga on June 19, 2012:


    Bml on May 31, 2012:

    These are hilarious. So going as my statuses;)I was actually dropped in a pool of sexy.

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on May 06, 2012:

    Clever talents Miranda! Thanks for commenting :)

    Miranda on May 05, 2012:

    Loved these, very funny. I can wiggle my ears and raise one eyebrow (i can also do the wave with my eyebrows~~)That was a secret, no one knew besides my sister and mom.

    Well the cats out of the bag now... Thanks for sharing=)

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on April 08, 2012:

    That's great Deepak! Thanks for commenting! Best wishes :)

    Deepak Choubey on April 08, 2012:

    Gr8 i have got all the post for the day!!!! Thanks a lot!!!

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on April 03, 2012:

    Glad you liked it ronakbhatia!

    ronakbhatia from Mumbai, India on March 26, 2012:

    Haha, awesome! Gonna copy a few :D

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on March 24, 2012:

    That's wild Nicki!

    nicki on March 15, 2012:

    haha laughed my butt ox off! lol :D

    alisha4u from New Delhi, India on February 24, 2012:

    Looks like you are too much into social networkin... Witty thoughts though..

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on February 23, 2012:

    Thankyou acaetnna :) Always lovely to have your feedback!

    acaetnna from Guildford on February 22, 2012:

    Ha, ha, awesome as always. Brilliant work. Voting up and hitting your buttons.

    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on February 22, 2012:

    Ahhh! That's awesome princesswithapen! Thanks!

    princesswithapen on February 21, 2012:

    "Only 10-20% of the population can wiggle their ears and raise one eyebrow." Haha! I bet most readers would actually try this one while reading it.

    This hub made for an amusing read - just what the doctor ordered with a nice hot cuppa.


    StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on February 20, 2012:

    Wow! Thanks for all your great comments! Glad you enjoyed these status updates! Smiles from Australia :)

    Samir Illathodi from Kerala, India. on February 20, 2012:

    I like the last three! Lool! Gonna put it as my status! Good Hub! :)

    diogenes from UK and Mexico on February 20, 2012:

    Had a good chuckle at some of these m'dear.

    Take care

    duge hick

    Infobrowser from UK on February 20, 2012:

    This is a very funny and clever selection. Think I'll be putting some up on facebook LIKE A BOSS! Thanks =)


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